News/Articles

Spring is here and many of us will spend energy, time and money lavishing love and care on our gardens. Having been bombarded with television programmes exhorting us to mulch, weed, plant and prune most of us have at least a vague idea of what is needed for a garden to flourish. In other words if we ignored the garden for months on end we wouldn't be surprised to find a tangled mass of weeds, flowers struggling for survival and a lawn running wild!

Yet some of us still expect our relationships to grow and flourish without any care and attention.

All successful relationships are dependent upon the positive contributions of both parties. It is our responsibility to ensure we play our parts. In spite of what we may sometimes wish, there are no instant solutions, no magic wands to be waved over a relationship to ensure success. The ideal relationship is exactly that, an ideal.

In reality it is perfectly normal for couples to experience problems or difficulties. We are all subject to the stresses of life such as financial worries, job loss, parenting challenges, bereavements and many more. Any of these stressors may have a negative effect on our relationship. The question then is, what do we do about it? Some of us will lose the art of talking with and listening to our partners. We become isolated and separate. Some of us may regularly 'lose it', becoming inappropriately angry. Or sometimes we play the 'let's pretend game' so we cover our emotions up, trying to prove to family and friends that we are managing and coping well.

There is an alternative. We can seek help through couple counselling. This does not have to be seen as a last resort, or a negative experience. We are not going to be judged or blamed.

As a couple we can learn to communicate clearly and responsibly especially around difficult emotions. Counselling encourages us to be proactive in finding solutions. We can assess our present problems, recognise their causes and work collaboratively to put changes in place.

Sometimes we lose track of ourselves as a couple when we are playing the roles of parents. It can be very rewarding to take time getting to know each other again. We may find that one person has changed without us realising, now we discover how to relate to the changes that person brings to the relationship.

It may by the discovery of an affair which has hurt and shocked us. We may fail to see how our relationship can be revived. Through counselling we recognise choices, even if the eventual choice is to separate, we can do so with care and respect.

Returning to the symbolism of the garden, the more aware we are of its needs, the more time we spend meeting those needs, the healthier it will become and the greater will be our enjoyment. In caring for the health of our relationship we gain both expected and unexpected benefits.

If you would like further information on couple counselling please contact :-
Hilary Jeffries Dip. Coun. MBACP (Accredited) 0161 962 1073